I Like Lightning

I like lightning, not thunder, but lightning. I’m not sure how I’m going to pull this off; to continue writing an entry that began with ‘I like lightning’. I mean, no short story or prose ever begins with ‘I like lightning’. An opening like this which bears characteristics of closure seems to have ended a story before it has even begun. It is like saying “they lived happily ever after, and three years later…..” I don’t think it’ll work, but I have already typed out my opening and I have no plans to backtrack. I can if I want to, but I won’t because it will be embarrassing, despite the fact that nobody reading this article will give a hoot about its sequential flow. But if for some peculiar reasons that you do, I must highlight to you that there are also four spelling mistakes and five grammatical errors in this write-up.

Technically at this point – which is the point that follows immediately after ‘I like lightning’ – the post may branch off towards three possible directions;

1) a philosophical path – where perhaps I may use lightning as a metaphor hyperbole to share a truth-seeking viewpoint which may shed light to some neglected grey area of life. I think I should be able to fabricate a notion like that. But it will probably be some recycled material I have read somewhere when I was not paying too much attention. The unwitting plagiarism would have rendered the philosophical conception a poor cliché likened to a cop and a donut.

2) an introspective path – where perhaps I could reflect upon how a bolt of lightning which flashed across the horizon has given me a new found hope as I trek along a discouraging gravelled path laden with snags and sneers.

The flow of the article will probably be dramatic, like a Korean soap opera. In which case, a background story is needed to provide an anchor. The story narrates a young boy who grew up in the city of Zita, land of the ravaged souls shadowed by the greed of the noblemen. Now Zita probably doesn’t sound very Korean but it should. That is because Zita is a good name and would have sorted out the North vs South confusion because we would have just called the whole place Zitaland.

Now the boy grew up in poverty and hunger – that was because his parents weren’t very good at making money. Their venture to sell ice tea failed because there was no such thing as electricity those days to make ice, so the parents just gave away empty glasses. – One day, the boy fell in love with a one-legged hamster abandoned by an owner named Trevor. Now Trevor has a very dark secret which he did not tell anyone, and for the same reason I have no idea what that secret might be, although I’m certain that it has something to do with a cauliflower.

At this point, you will probably think to yourself, “the name Trevor doesn’t sound very Korean either.” That is what you might say for now, but I can assure you that you won’t be saying this four years from now. That is because four years later, you would probably have forgotten what you said four years ago.

3) an utilitarian path – where perhaps I can provide a sound description on the functional value of lightning and how it has impacted our lives. Now this is quite challenging because I will need to have a sound knowledge about lightning.

Incidentally, I am well-read and know that lightning was the origins to the Norse god of thunder, Thor, as prescribed by Nordic myth-writers whose names were too long to pronounce, thus we collectively call it 'Marvel'. Now what is so interesting about Thor is that he carried with him a magic hammer strapped in a magic belt. This is intriguing because if the hammer was as big and heavy as described in pagan literature, it would have been very uncomfortable to walk around with it. One then can deduce that it would have been a very tight belt, hence the name, magic belt. The belt also prevented the weight of the hammer from yanking the shorts down all at once.

Yes, Thor wore shorts. With that insight, it brings us to another astute theory that explains why Thor only wore shorts. It is quite obvious really, almost staring us in the eyes. Thor wore shorts because when there was thunder and lightning, it would almost always be raining. Thor wore shorts so that his pants would not get wet.

Thor probably wore sandals too. But the jury is still out on that one.