Faith

It is the start of the semester and typically this is the time where I will be energetic, lively and can’t wait to walk into my first tutorial. Strangely, I’m feeling lethargic somewhat drained and nonchalant. I think it is due to recent events that I’m not as excited about this semester as I would like.

A few students from last semester informed me that they have failed the subject, some for the second time. I can’t help but take news like this personally, and I wonder if my teaching methods could have been better to raise the statistics. I’m proud of the ones who attained a top grade, although I don’t know who they are, as they have probably moved onto the new semester without the need to say hi when we meet in campus. Thoughts like this slowly extinguish the once idealistic flame I had about making a difference, and believing that I could make any student get a high distinction. Sometimes reality bites and coping with it needs a strong clinging to the faith I have in myself.

Faith is a paradoxical notion. It basically means believing in a conception that can not be proven true through any means that may convince. In other words, it is a constant struggle to believe. Faith in a religion, faith in myself, faith in my friends; these notions mark the journey of a lifetime struggle to grip onto the fabrics that make life meaningful. The constant chaos intrinsic to faith renders one to wake in the morning to feel wonderful when he looks himself in the mirror or feel that he is a man not worth loving the following day. The fibres of faith are so delicate that the smallest deviation of a well-planned endeavour can discourse and undermine the motivation for future pursuits.

I have friends with me that reinforce my self-belief. I have awards and trophies to remind me of my ability. I have a future that suggests to me that roses lie ahead. Yet without faith, I am but a hollow vessel aimless in the turbulent winds.